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Literature Text
White roses cover the sands of the desert,
A fragrant golden snow for you.
I watch the light upon your face,
cast soft shadows of blue.
Keep your head upon my shoulder,
until I go crashing to the ground.
In the night my stars cover your body,
echoing the world's soft sound.
White roses bloom on the sands of the desert,
A rising cloud of pure intent.
To see your eyes reflect the emotion,
I take in your fingertips of content.
Together we run through the veins of time,
And rain falls through the sand.
I light the expanse of the broad sky on fire,
spreading the word throughout the land.
White roses wither in the sands of the desert,
A last stand to be at your side.
I have given to you everything that I am,
holding your tears while you cried.
The moon turns the tides of the sand,
you hold me through the motion.
The roses couldn't have been more right,
we lost each other in devotion.
A fragrant golden snow for you.
I watch the light upon your face,
cast soft shadows of blue.
Keep your head upon my shoulder,
until I go crashing to the ground.
In the night my stars cover your body,
echoing the world's soft sound.
White roses bloom on the sands of the desert,
A rising cloud of pure intent.
To see your eyes reflect the emotion,
I take in your fingertips of content.
Together we run through the veins of time,
And rain falls through the sand.
I light the expanse of the broad sky on fire,
spreading the word throughout the land.
White roses wither in the sands of the desert,
A last stand to be at your side.
I have given to you everything that I am,
holding your tears while you cried.
The moon turns the tides of the sand,
you hold me through the motion.
The roses couldn't have been more right,
we lost each other in devotion.
Literature
The Beach
This isn't much,
but whenever someone tells me
to put a shell around my ear,
I hear your breathing
with my head resting
on your warmth.
I know it's just
the blood rushing
around my head.
I know, it's just...
the sun in your hair
and the salt and the sand.
Literature
Poetry,
She is stardust leaving sweet bones
in her wake. A trail of poetic destruction
conceived in verse--answering questions
with kisses. There is a hunger in her
freckled constellations, like spider webs
woven together with golden thread.
Like the wild roses she braids in her hair:
She walks backboned and head held high;
the strongest of letters on a page
left to rest in your mouth.
Literature
Desert
A mercyless sea
of deep and salty water
Died eons ago
A mercyless sea of sand
is its corpse, still whispering:
Weary wanderer,
Rest and die with me.
What else can you do?
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prompt of Devotion (:
prompt of Devotion (: © 2012 - 2024 BunnyFroofroo
Comments46
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Overall Vision Originality
Technique ImpactI will be critiquing this poem on behalf of
<img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/u/s…" alt="
" title="SuperWritersHelp"/>Firstly, I like the image of the roses in the desert, where nothing but cacti normally grows.
Now, the crit:
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Red"/> ST = Stanza<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Red"/> L = LineEven though you separate your sections into two-line pieces, I will take every 8 lines as a Stanza as after that you return to your central image of the roses.
ST 1:
This ST speaks to me of hope in love. There is a gentle love - watching the shadows - and hints of protection - keeping the head on the shoulder.
I can't find any grammatical errors in this ST.
Your punctuation is good, although some deviation from the 'comma-period' form would be nice to see. Maybe use enjambment, or experiment with semi-colons.
Your rhyme is subtle and stands out without becoming jarring.
I am unsure as to whether the speaker is an actual person or whether the speaker is the sun/light/sky.
ST 2:
This ST speaks to me of strong love.
L4 doesn't make sense to me - the fingertips of content. Maybe I am just not seeing the imagery.
L6 - how does rain fall 'through' the sand? It soaks through, true, but it falls on the sand or in a puddle.
ST 3:
This ST speaks to me of loss.
Here the speaker becomes more human to me. This is why I am unsure, based on the previous ST, as to whether the speaker is actually human or not,
L7 - What were the roses right about (yes the loss, but) as you haven't mentioned any loss to do with the roses before now.
Overall:
A nice poem.
I really like the imagery you produce within this.
Your rhyme is subtle and graceful.
Jo